” Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, ‘Here am I. Send me!’ ” Isaiah 6: 8
You know where He sent me. I know WHERE He sent me. Thing is, I thought he was just sending me as ME. As it turns out, He sent me with a very specific job. It just took me awhile to figure out what that job was.
I am a watchman, wandering, wondering.
We don’t hear much about watchmen in current times. We hear about bodyguards, and security guards, but I am not sure I have ever heard someone in any type of role like that referred to as a watchman. And let’s face it, neither one of those types of jobs (bodyguard, security guard) comes anywhere close to anything I thought I would ever be!
But it appears our Father has appointed me to this task, so I am doing my best to take it very seriously. More seriously than I have taken most other things in this life.
“I have posted watchmen on your walls, Jerusalem;
they will never be silent day or night.
You who call on the Lord,
give yourselves no rest,
and give him no rest till he establishes Jerusalem
and makes her the praise of the earth.”
Isaiah 62: 6-7
What is a watchman then? As I seek to fully understand this call, it is one who is charged with keeping watch over something. In Biblical times, a prime duty of watchmen was to watch over cities, to keep them safe from harm. And to keep watch over people and things that were vital to the survival of that city.
For me, it is a call to intercessory prayer, as a prayer warrior with the duty of guarding a place and a people most precious to God.
Let me tell you, so far, it has been one wild ride. I guess I would have thought a watchman kept perfectly still, just watching, waiting, watching. Not this watchman! I have been pulled all over the place, both physically in the city, mentally & emotionally with the people who call the city home (some of whom do not in fact, claim it’s actual zip code somewhat like myself). Spiritually, I have been all over the map. But I have to tell you, what an amazing God we serve. He is anything but boring. And oh, how He loves us. How He loves you.
I don’t like not knowing things. Therefore, I have been pleading endlessly with God for answers. Because not all of what I am doing makes sense even to me. The places I feel called to sit and pray, the times I feel called to pray, the people I am guided to pray for, the things I pray for them. It’s a good thing I have a comfort level with not being anything close to normal.
So I have been hounding at the throne of God for answers. Very frustrated at having to wait for them because I feel like I am just blindly wandering through all He has called me to do, and often messing it up wildly. Pretty sure I have also frustrated some other people in this process too, more than likely because I keep trying to fix things myself instead of waiting on God.
This morning, I woke up still chewing on one of the situations I am dealing with that is completely exasperating me. Go 5 hours of sleep, go. And it came to me. Yes, I want answers. Yes, I want to fix that which I am praying about. Yes, I am pretty ticked off at having to wait. But in the process I got something I did not ask for, and did not even know I needed. I got something more important than answers.
I got God Himself. He listens to me. He cares for me. He loves me. He has trusted me with this very important task He has laid before me. I may be tired. I may be weak. I may be small. But He is not asking me to do this alone. He is with me. What I got was a better relationship with Him. And so many wonderful new friendships and partnerships with His people.
Sure, I still want answers. I would really like them today actually. A couple things in particular. But I have something better than answers for a human mind and a human world. I have Him.
“Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain.” Psalm 127: 1
I know I am not the only watchman standing in the gap for Rowlett. I long to meet the other ones. But that is one answer I have not yet been given. So for now, I pray for them too. Because together, we are stronger.
I am a watchman, wandering, wondering.